you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
