i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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