I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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