I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
