bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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