no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
