I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
