Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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