Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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