wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she peed on how many people?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
