I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
