exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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