she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
