I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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