would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is the high leading the old right now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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