i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
