just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
