I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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