Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
