the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
