I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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