i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
