need another drink. this is the easiest way
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
