You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
