I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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