Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize