shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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