This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
