if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
