I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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