id be glad to
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
