Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
