I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
