a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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