shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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