You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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