based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
