in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
