two words: eviction party
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
3pm strippers are depressing
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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