porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
