I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
