i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
