Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
