Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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