Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize