The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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