I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
