also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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