i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
