soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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