dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
