i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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