I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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