Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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