the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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