I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
