I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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