I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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