Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
