it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your cock deserves a montage
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
