I didn't shave. On purpose
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
