Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
