whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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