I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
