Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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