The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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