I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
