she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
